


Dog Treats & Head Injuries & Kisses, Oh My!

by argentumauream



Category: The Two Princes (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, Head Injury, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, not in a fairytale magic way more like in an unrealistic fluff trope way, to facilitate fluff, true love's kiss can cure all ailments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:00:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27560389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/argentumauream/pseuds/argentumauream
Summary: Porridge had, once again, found the hiding place where Rupert kept Fitzroy’s dog treats. The dog treats that, apparently, were also delicious to dragons, but unfortunately gave dragons bad stomach aches. The dog treats that caused dragons to keep their owners up all night with their whining before finally throwing up all over the bed. The dog treats that were apparently so good that dragons selectively forgot about said stomach aches and throwing up and still tried to eat them at every opportunity.Three times.
Relationships: Amir/Rupert (Two Princes Podcast)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 38





	Dog Treats & Head Injuries & Kisses, Oh My!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IDontReallyWantAUsername](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IDontReallyWantAUsername/gifts).



> I really could not think of a better title oops.
> 
> Hey TTP fandom, this is my first fic for y'all so I hope you enjoy it! My sibling Ny got me into the podcast and it's their birthday today, so what better way to celebrate than with a fic that calls them out for being a Rupert kinnie :)

“Porridge, you get down from there right this instant!” 

Rupert had his hands on his hips and was glaring sternly up at Porridge, who had found himself perched on the top shelf of the cupboard where they kept the pots and pans in the royal kitchen. Well, saying he _found_ himself there wasn’t exactly correct. More like, he snuck up there deliberately when all the cooks had left after preparing lunch. 

Porridge made no move to come down, and he and Rupert found themselves at an impasse, locked in a staring contest. Slowly, as though if he moved gradually enough Rupert wouldn’t notice, Porridge began inching towards the back corner of the cupboard.

“Hey! Stop right there mister, you  _ know  _ those aren’t for you!” Rupert reprimanded.

Porridge had, once again, found the hiding place where Rupert kept Fitzroy’s dog treats. The dog treats that, apparently, were also delicious to dragons, but unfortunately gave dragons bad stomach aches. The dog treats that caused dragons to keep their owners up all night with their whining before finally throwing up all over the bed. The dog treats that were apparently so good that dragons selectively forgot about said stomach aches and throwing up and still tried to eat them at every opportunity.

Three times. 

Porridge had stilled again, never breaking eye contact with Rupert. 

“Look,” Rupert said with a sigh. “I  _ know  _ they’re really good. But you know what’s  _ not  _ really good? Waking up to the smell of dragon vomit at three in the morning! And I know you weren’t having fun either!”

Porridge just blinked.

“If you come down now I’ll get you a reeaally nice steak for dinner tonight?” 

Porridge looked like he was considering this, then turned to stare longingly back at the bag of dog treats hidden behind a heavy pot. Porridge looked back at Rupert one last time, then-

“Don’t you dare!”

Porridge suddenly made a break for the dog treats. Rupert practically leapt up at the cupboard to try and reach them first, but unfortunately he wasn’t all that tall. Even more unfortunately, as soon Porridge had the bag of treats in his mouth he burst out of the cupboard and made to fly away, but in doing so he knocked the large pot completely off the shelf. 

Rupert had a very quick moment in which all he thought was “Shit.” before he was doubled over, practically able to  _ feel _ the lump forming where a  _ very  _ heavy pot had just conked him squarely on the head.

“Porridge… fuck!” Rupert groaned.

“Ru, are you in here? Did Porridge find the- Rupert?”

When Porridge had  _ mysteriously disappeared  _ after lunch, Rupert had told Amir he’d handle it so Amir could get started on going over the finance reports that they were supposed to be looking at today. Amir had accused him, despite his offended protests, of trying to get out of attending to the more boring kind of princely duties. (That was exactly what he was doing, but Amir didn’t need to know that.) Now it seemed Amir may have also been looking for an excuse to procrastinate. 

“Hey honey.” Rupert tried to smile reassuringly while at the same time clutching his head against the throbbing pain. 

It may have come out more like a grimace, judging by the sudden concern on Amir’s face and the way he made it across the large kitchen to Rupert’s side in two seconds flat.

“Ru? Love? Are you okay? What happened?” 

It was cute how concerned he was, Rupert thought, unfortunately it was hard to properly appreciate it with the headache he could feel coming on. 

“Yeah, yep, I’m fine, just  _ someone  _ thought it’d be a good idea to make their epic getaway by busting past this-” he kicked weakly at the pot that now lay innocently on the floor “and knocking it right off the shelf onto my waiting skull.”

Amir now looked even more concerned. “Oh shit, let me see.”

Rupert indicated the spot the pain was emanating from on the top of his head. Amir carefully took Rupert’s head in his hands and tilted it, softly brushing hair out of the way so he could see.

“Well you’re not bleeding or anything so that’s good, but there’s a bad bruise and you’re probably gonna have a pretty big bump there later.” Amir leaned forward and ever so gently pressed a barely there kiss to Rupert’s head, not enough pressure to hurt but enough to make butterflies flutter to life in his stomach. 

He pulled back, brow still furrowed with concern. “You don’t feel dizzy or anything do you?”

“Nah I’m good.” Rupert said, the pain in his skull temporarily dampened by Amir’s thumbs gently massaging his temples. 

“Are you sure? You look kind of…”

Rupert blinked at him, then realized he still had a dopey smile on his face left over from the kiss. He cleared his throat, feeling his face flush a little. “No, yeah, I’m okay. Still hurts, but I’ll live.”

Amir seemed to relax a little at that. “Let me get you some ice, that should help.”

He turned to go, but before he did he rounded on Porridge, pointing a finger at him accusingly. “And  _ you.  _ Think about the  _ consequences _ of your  _ actions. _ ”

Porridge had come to a landing on a counter behind them, and guiltily dropped the bag of treats from his mouth as Amir huffed off to find ice.

“Oh  _ now  _ you’re sorry?” Rupert raised an eyebrow at him.

Porridge made a very pitiful noise, his ears drooping, and looked up at Rupert with big sad eyes. For being a dragon and not a puppy, he did an excellent puppy dog face.

Rupert gave a long sigh. “Oh, don’t look at me like that. I forgive you, I know it was an accident.” He went over to the counter and patted Porridge on the head. “But Amir’s right, you gotta think before you leap or someone’s gonna get hurt.”

Forgiveness obtained, Porridge nuzzled into his hand and purred happily for a moment before giving a trill and flying off out of the kitchen. Whether he paid any heed to Rupert’s sage advice was unclear. 

“Try not to get into any more trouble!” Rupert called after him, though, really, he knew the plea was futile. 

Amir returned with some ice wrapped in a soft cloth. “Here, this should help.”

Rupert smiled gratefully as he pressed it to his head, giving a relieved sigh. “Thank you, that’s much better.”

Amir smiled back and leaned in to peck him on the forehead, then he frowned. “I should really stop avoiding those finance reports, I need to finish going over them today...”

Rupert grinned teasingly. “You?  _ Avoiding  _ responsibility? I thought that was something you only accused me of doing.”

Amir raised an eyebrow. “Hmm, well I  _ was  _ going to say you should go lie down to rest your head while I work, but maybe you’re right! Maybe we’ve been avoiding this for too long and we should  _ both  _ go work on the finance reports!”

“But my  _ head,  _ I can’t think, I’m in  _ paaaaiinnnn!! _ ” Rupert moaned immediately, only half exaggerating. Maybe three quarters. 

Amir just started giggling at his pain, which would have offended Rupert if Amir’s laugh wasn’t his favorite sound in the world. 

“You’re adorable.” Said Amir, a little bit teasing but mostly fond. “Now go rest and stop distracting me.”

Before Rupert could accuse Amir of being distracted on purpose, he leaned in and kissed him softly. Rupert sighed against his mouth, the pain in his head disappearing into the background for a moment as Amir’s hand came up to stroke his cheek. 

Then Amir pulled back, (disappointingly soon for Rupert’s liking) pressing one final kiss to his forehead before saying, “I’ll check on you once I’m done with the finance reports, okay?” 

“Thank you.” Rupert smiled.

And with that, Amir headed off towards the office and Rupert went in search of a soft horizontal surface.

~~~

The pain from the lump forming on Rupert’s head had dissipated somewhat, which was good. What was less good was that it seemed to have migrated to his entire brain. He was reclined on his and Amir’s bed, a book propped up in his lap that he was supposedly reading. He wasn’t really though, because whenever he tried to get through a sentence he’d get distracted by his pounding headache and have to start over. Not to mention trying to focus on the letters on the page was possibly making it worse. He wanted to get up and try to find something he could do to distract himself, but whenever he tried to sit up his head throbbed, and eventually he decided it just wasn’t worth it. 

Just when Rupert was pretty sure he was going to die of discomfort or boredom, whichever overwhelmed him first, the door opened and in came Amir.

“Amir!” He exclaimed, then winced at the loud noise feeling like someone taking a sledgehammer to his skull. “I’m  _ so  _ glad you’re here.” He continued quieter. “I can’t focus on reading and I’m getting so  _ bored  _ but my head is  _ killing  _ me.” 

Amir came over to the bed, looking concerned again. “Should I call for a doctor? Maybe we have some medicine, I’ll go ask Lord Chamberlain if we-”

“Noooo nononono-” Rupert grabbed hold of Amir’s hand before he could turn away. “Don’t leave. Just c’mere.”

He dragged Amir onto the bed next to him and immediately cuddled up to his side, resting his head on his chest. 

“Love, I should probably get someone if it hurts that bad.” Amir said. Despite his protests, his arms wrapped around Rupert almost instinctually. One hand came up to card through his hair, carefully avoiding the bump.

“We can later.” Rupert sighed, already relaxing. When Amir’s fingers began gently massaging his scalp he practically melted, his eyes slipping shut. “Feels nice.” he mumbled.

Amir huffed a laugh and settled back against the pillows, seemingly resigned to being stuck there under a cuddly Rupert for a while. 

“Some medicine would probably feel better than this y’know.” Amir said softly, pressing a kiss to Rupert’s hair. 

Rupert almost didn’t reply as he was getting pleasantly sleepy and the pain in his head had receded to a low hum. “Nothing makes me feel better than you do.” He mumbled through a yawn.

There was a moment where Amir said nothing, and Rupert almost drifted off. Then, with a smile audible in his voice, “Whatever you say, Ru.” 

A moment later he started to hum softly, and while Rupert didn’t know the tune, the comforting familiarity of his voice lulled him into a peaceful sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this fic go check out IDontReallyWantAUserName cos they have more excellent TTP fics and I don't, plus it's their birthday so you're like, obligated to go comment nice things on their work 
> 
> (if you happen to also like The Penumbra Podcast or The Adventure Zone though... I've got the shit for you)
> 
> I love comments more than life itself and the longer the better so please don't be shy! Thanks for reading!


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